Two Grumpy Old Men
by Frakme
Summary: Two retired Starfleet Officers go to watch a film based on the experiences of the Enterprise crew in the Expanse. A little bittersweet humour.


**Set in the year 2213**

**TATV? What is this TATV you speak of ;)**

**Could be slash, could be bromance, whatever floats ya boat! I just wrote this on the fly, a plot bunny bit me on the way home from today.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing here except the plot and no money will be made from this.**

**Apologies, had to quickly republish as I hadn't saved the changes in Document Manager.**

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"That's three hours of my life I'm _never_ going to get back!"

Two grey haired old men stepped slowly out of the holo theatre. It was the shorter one who had spoken as he carefully navigated the steps using his old fashioned wooden cane. His companion also had a cane, though his was a modern construction, made from superlight duranium alloy.

The taller one pointed to a café across the street. Fortunately there was a suitable crossing, that stopped the traffic allowing the two men, both in their early nineties, to traverse the street.

They settled themselves at a table on the terrace and looked at the menu.

"Tea, Malcolm? They got Darjeeling, Earl Grey or Assam."

"I'll have Darjeeling," Trip dialled Malcolm's choice of tea and his of coffee into the menu, deliberately picking a caffeinated one in defiance of his doctor's insistence he quit the caffeine.

Shortly after a pretty waitress came out and served them their drinks, with a pretty smile. Both men turned to admire her rear as she went back into the café. They both clocked the direction of each other's gaze and chuckled.

"Some things never change do they, Mal?"

"No just memories, I think. Recollections of past events."

"Clearly some people's recollections differ from ours!" grumbled the retired Starfleet engineer. "I'm pretty sure whoever wrote the script for 'Xindi: The Battle for Earth' probably only spoke to Chef's cousin's wife's kindergarten teacher!"

"They couldn't even find a decent British actor to play me!" complained Malcolm. "He was a bloody Australian!"

"At least you weren't portrayed as some stupid hick who couldn't keep it in his pants," said Trip, pouting. "I swear to God, I don't think he uttered any word with more than one syllable. And he appeared to have got more aliens babes in the Expanse that I've gotten with in my whole life!"

"What about the actress, and I use the term loosely, who played T'Pol? I hope to God she never sees this film. She'd have conniptions… well as close as a Vulcan would get to having them!"

"She used to be a porn star, you know."

"Who, T'Pol?"

Trip laughed.

"No, you limey idiot, the actress who played her! I'm pretty sure T'Pol wasn't quite so, you know…" he made an exaggerated hourglass gesture with his hands.

"Those catsuits of hers were well fitted, it's true but I'm certain they weren't spray painted on!"

Both of them sighed as they fondly remembered their Vulcan ex-colleague, now settled down back on Vulcan.

"I'm just glad Jon wasn't around to see this," said Trip sadly. "I know he did some things he wasn't proud of while we were in the Expanse, but that film made him seem a bit of a nut job."

"What about the girl who played Hoshi? She was a bit young and Hoshi wasn't as weak and helpless as she seemed to make her out to be!"

"Got it right there, Mal. Our little Hoshi, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth but give her an inch and she'd take you to the cleaners! Did she ever tell you about the poker game and how she got herself kicked outta Starfleet?"

"Yes, I got the story out of her eventually," said the British man. "I miss her, still."

Trip patted the other man's hand, hating to see him so sad, feeling a touch of desolation as well as he considered the untimely death of their Japanese friend.

"You're not the only one. I guess you and I and T'Pol is all that's left, now Travis has shuffled off this mortal coil."

"I think his is the only character they got right," remarked Malcolm. "Apparently the actor that played him had been nominated for an Oscar in that film he was in a couple of months ago. You know the one about Emory Erickson?"

"Now that was a good film. And a helluva lot more accurate than that pile of horse shit we just watched. I'm pretty sure that Raijin didn't actually hafta screw anyone to scan them! And Jon did not take on three Reptilian Xindi armed with only a statue of Zefram Cochrane!"

"I suppose we should be grateful that the filmmakers were forbidden from including our accidental incursion into the twentieth century, even if it did mean the ending was a load of overblown dramatics."

They finished their drinks, Trip used his credit chip to settle the bill and they got up to look for a cab.

"We'd better get back to the home, I guess," said Trip. "They've probably sent out a search party by now."

Malcolm grinned at his companion.

"I expect we'll be in trouble again. Didn't Charlie threaten to cut off your allowance if you absconded again?"

Trip grimaced at the thought of the scolding he'd gotten from his son, the result of a brief fling he'd had with his ex girlfriend Natalie a few months after the _Enterprise_ had been decommissioned.

"Don't remind me," he grimaced, waving down a cab before flinging his free arm around the smaller man. "At least this time we have no broken bones!"

"It's still early," replied Malcolm ominously. The other man shrugged.

"Let's go face the music. This time I'm tellin' them it was your idea!"

Malcolm gave Trip an affectionate grin.

"You can but you know they won't believe you."

Trip grinned back at him as they stepped into the cab.

"Starfleet Retirement Home," he ordered. The cab set off.


End file.
